Sunday, June 17, 2007

Father's Day Anxiety

Dear Aimee's Road to Motherhood,

As the "Babies Daddy" I have kept my mouth shut as much as possible during this whole pregnancy. I've done my best to be overly supportive when it comes to breathing exercises, rubbing my wife's back, picking and painting girly colors for the nursery, knocking off items on the never ending "nesting" list, and spending (yet not complaining) thousands of dollars on baby paraphernalia. The bottom line is that I am doing this for a woman whom I didn't marry. The woman I married, Aimee Elizabeth Ash, was smart, sexy, and was my favorite drinking partner of all time. The woman that currently lives in my home is demanding, forgets everything, and is only somewhat* attractive.

With all of this said, I would like to vent about some of the small anxieties I have developed over the course of the last couple of weeks. If you don't know me, when I become anxious or worried I have very vivid dreams. Aunt Julie will easily be able to define these dreams and if you need more details Julie.....just let me know.

After we found out that we were having baby girls, I had a very weird dream about disciplining these two precious little girls. I dreamt that we were on Geist Lake on an early morning canoe trip. I was in the back and the two little ones were up front. They were so cute with their little "armies/floaties" and miniature oars. Addy thought it would be hilarious to start shaking the canoe. I quickly told her to stop and explained to her that if she continued to rock the canoe, we would easily tip over and she and her sister would get all wet and have to swim to the shoreline. She listened but began whispering to her sister. They then began to laugh hysterically at me and both began to grab the sides of the canoe and rock it back and forth. I became furious at this point, raised my large wooden oar above my head and slammed it into the side of the aluminum canoe. This of course made a shattering "clap" which echoed across the quite lake. Addy and Lilly immediately began crying and sobbing and wanted their Mommy. Bottom line.....I have a serious anxiety about disciplining these little girls. Mom will have to be the "enforcer."

An even weirder dream....Aimee and I were at a Chinese restaurant having a night out. She was late in her pregnancy and was "as big as a house." This place was a typical (in my mind) Chinese establishment with red booths, red walls, with a huge mural of a yellow dragon (the kind you see at Chinese new year). That was my ADD kicking in....any way I got up and went to the bath room and when I came back Aimee was laying on her back in the booth with one leg over the top of the booth and the other in our general tsaos chicken entree. I was amazed to see Mr. Miagee crouched over in front of my wife pulling out Addy and Lilly with chopsticks. I know what your thinking....DISTURBING.....but the disturbing part of the dream was that I vividly remember thinking that Mr. Miagee couldn't even catch a fly with chopsticks in Karate Kid......he sure as hell shouldn't be using chopsticks as forceps.

Happy Father's Day,

Jeremy "The Babies Daddy" Ash
*somewhat attractive is defined by a hot woman with a huge belly

Below is a picture of Aimee & the soon-to-be grandmothers before the shower in Pittsburgh and a belly shot at almost 26 weeks!


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